Good morning! I had one of those nights where I was too keyed up to really sleep, so I'm tired now. And it's grey outside. Whee. But I think it'll be a good day.
Since I haven't posted in a while, I thought I might as well do that now. *stretches, cracks knuckles* Hi, LJ! Long time, no see. Actually, that's not true. I may not have been posting, but I have been reading. (Rambling post rambles!)
I think I'll break this up into a few sections, the different things I've been meaning to talk about. So here goes.
On being postdepression:
I made a post some time ago about having had clinical depression for a few years. While I'm glad to say I'm definitely not depressed anymore--in fact, I've been truly happy for the first time, what a former spiritual teacher called "unreasonable happiness" (happiness for no reason), these past couple of years--I do have holdover reactions. Depression changes the brain. It changed mine, so even though I am generally a positive person with a variety of dreams and ambitions (remember, I want to live a magical life full of creativity and joy), I have days where I'm overwhelmed by everything, and I feel too small to do anything beyond hide in my bed with a book--even though I know it's not true. Or I'll distract myself from the things I really want to accomplish that day. I'm pretty sure I'd be done with this draft of the novel already if it weren't for that. It's so frustrating, especially since I know I no longer need those reactions. They don't protect me.
Rather than being angry at myself, though, I've decided to act out of compassion. In the new Gregorian year, I plan to look around for a cognitive behavioral therapist to see about moving past these conditioned responses and retraining my neural pathways. Surely there're new practices I can put into play to get myself back to where I used to be--and where I want to be now.
On freelancing:
Now that the wedding's over (hopefully the photographer will get back to us with the pictures soon, so I can share them with you), I've been writing and cooking and baking. The novel is still slow going, but it's going, and I feel good about it.
I also am dipping my toes into the freelance waters. I'm not really sure how to break into proofreading and/or copyediting for trade publishing, particularly fiction, but I have done it full time in other industries, including medical publishing, and I'm very good at what I do. If anyone has any leads or ideas on how to get started, I'd be grateful. ♥
On friendship:
I've learned a lot about friendships, who I am in one, and what I want out of non-romantic relationships over this past year, and I'm really glad. Some of it was hard, but that's why they call them growing pains. I feel very blessed to have friends in my life I can really talk to, even if most of them don't live nearby. Seeing so many turn out for my wedding really warmed my heart and healed old pain from the past (School was
not kind to me, and I get so annoyed when people insist traditional schooling is necessary for socialization. What, teaching someone it's okay to be bullied is "social"?). That was really wonderful.
(We still have to finish getting the thank-you cards out, but that's another topic!)
I'm also getting to know new people and letting those relationships slowly develop, and it's so interesting to observe myself and see how differently I interact now compared to the past. I like myself a lot more than I used to, so I believe I deserve better, and I'm finding it. It also means I don't feel needy and like I need others to complete me. It also means I've come to terms with and even embraced the fact that I am someone who thrives on real interaction and who does better in one-on-one, more intimate settings. I used to believe I needed a group to be happy. Now I know it's not true, and I'm happier for it.
On decluttering:
I'm feeling moved to look around my life and let go of things that don't really serve me anymore, so I'll be going through my books and CDs and clothes to see what I can cull. I also plan to trim my LiveJournal friends list a bit, cutting people I don't necessarily interact with or who don't comment. No hard feelings, of course; this is just to streamline my LJ reading.
Another way I've been decluttering is feeling this sudden need to cook with things I haven't used, a real clean-out-the-fridge impulse. For example, I have Himalayan pink sea salt I bought a couple years ago. It's just been sitting there. Now I will figure out what I can actually do with it. . .
On anime:
When I was at Sirens in October, I got inspired to learn more about this unknown (to me) world of manga and anime. Since then, I've watched most of Studio Ghibli's films and
The Twelve Kingdoms, which I adored (kirin and beautiful art and great character arcs), and am in the third season of
Avatar: The Last Airbender. With the exception of one pointless beach party episode,
aryasura and I have really enjoyed the series. Such good storytelling, such great characters! And strong brown women, some with disabilities! Yeah! For a supposedly kids' show, it's not afraid to get sophisticated and even dark.
On
esotaria's recommendation, I'm also three episodes into
Natsume Yuujinchou. So far, I like the lucky cat.
On reading:
I'm always reading. I'm currently in the middle of Diana Wynne Jones's
Fire and Hemlock, and I have a few other things out from the library. I also need to make a dent in the pile of my own books!
One YA book I bought that looks interesting (and uses Hindu lore) is
The Third Eye, by Mahtab Narsimhan. It's the beginning of a trilogy. Have a look!
I think that's everything of note. If you've read this far, thank you! I send you all love.